By Melody C. Kerr, MS, Founder
Certified Financial Coach
What if we just said something to someone… anyone… one person?
How many of us would have our situations change?
What if we decided to be honest… transparent? Transparent about the problems we face on a daily basis. Our weaknesses, our fears, the things we don’t understand, our hurt, our finances…
I felt compelled to write this today, because I’ve noticed we struggle when it comes to sharing with others. And it’s doing ourselves a disservice. I’ll tell you why…
Nothing Wrong With Imperfection
When we’re dealing with something that brings us down or reminds us of what we don’t have, oftentimes, we choose to just keep it to ourselves.
Maybe because we don’t want anyone to know. Maybe because we feel ashamed. Maybe because we don’t want to show weakness.
I could go on.
But I believe many of these reasons all stem from the same thing: We’re afraid of what others might think about us.
Time and time again, we let our image dictate how we live… Because we don’t want other people to look at us and think, “You don’t know how,” “You don’t understand,” “You made a mistake,” or “You can’t afford it.”
We’re all human, and nobody is perfect.
So, what’s wrong with any of those statements being true? What’s wrong with not knowing everything? What’s wrong with not understanding something? What’s wrong with making a mistake? And what’s wrong with not being able to afford something that’s not within our budget?
Just Be Honest
Sometimes, I wonder what our lives would be like if we stopped caring about how we looked to the outside world and talked to our friends and family about what our troubles are… What that one thing bothering us is.
If I’m down in the dumps, should I not lean on a friend? If I have no clue what my next decision should be, should I not ask for advice? If I make a mistake, should I not admit it? If I can’t afford to buy it, should I not say that?
I was recently talking about this with a very important person in my life, and he said: We need to give the people in our lives the chance to trust them.
And I think that is so true.
We need to trust that the people we’ve surrounded ourselves with care about our wellbeing… our success … our weaknesses… our livelihood. So we can lift each other up, not tear each other down.
All too often do we let our insecurities and our vulnerabilities prevent us from just being honest. And, ultimately, it harms no one but ourselves.
Imagine if we told our friend we’re unhappy and we’ve been unhappy for a while. For weeks… months, even. Maybe he’d be surprised to hear it coming from you… And maybe, he’d tell you he’s been battling depression. Imagine if we said to our friend, “I’m sorry.” Maybe she’d say, “No. I’m sorry,” or “I forgive you.” It’s okay. You don’t have to forget. But you can forgive, just as you’ve been forgiven.
Imagine if we told our coworker we don’t understand how to complete a particular task at work. Maybe she’d tell you she had to ask another coworker for help on one of her tasks, too.
Imagine if we told our relative we can’t afford to go out to eat this weekend? Maybe she’d tell you she was only going because she didn’t want you to know she couldn’t afford to, either.
In each of these situations, just being honest could not only free you from a burden, it could give someone a chance to help you… It could give someone a chance to say, “Hey, me, too.”
Say Something
I know this letter today is a little different than the normal, but I’m hoping you’ll see where I’m coming from with this.
We can’t let our fears of what people will think of us prevent us from being free.
Bottling our feelings up steals away from our joy. Being too prideful holds us back from growth. And pretending to have it all blocks us from our blessing.
Whether you’re single or married, younger or older… we’re not intended to do this thing called life alone. We need each other.
And here’s the thing… Those who matter don’t mind; those who mind don’t matter.
If being honest about your troubles is enough for someone in your life to judge you rather than support you, then maybe he or she doesn’t need to be a part of your life.
The people who truly care about you… who truly love you for who you are… who wouldn’t be ashamed to call you their friend, whether you only have a dime to your name or $1 million… wouldn’t kick you when you’re down.
So, the next time you’re thinking of pretending you’re okay… the next time you’re contemplating whether to ask for help… the next time you’re wondering if you should say: I can’t afford it… just remember that saying something to someone… could be the key to your happiness. Because what that person says next could be the very answer you needed.
So, whatever it is… just say it.
With gratitude,
Melody C. Kerr
Certified Financial Coach
